Life of a Hunter – Yakuza 5

Yakuza 5 CastYou find yourself inside a cabin, stranded in the mountains as all roads are closed due to a recent blizzard.  You’re huddled close to the fire.  Baby it’s cold outside and it’s supposed to get even colder.  Your stomach starts to growl.  You take a look at your provisions and realize they’re getting scarce.  Nobody else in the village is gonna go hunt for you cause they’re too scared to go into the mountains.  I guess that means it’s time to don that coat and rifle cause it’s time to go hunting!

You’ve only been in the village for a few days and already you’re becoming a very proficient hunter.  You have learnYou're a pro hunter. You've never lost a cage match yet!ed how to harness the power of the trap to catch lesser animals.  You can snare rabbits, put foxes in a leg lock and defeat martens in a cage match!  Every time you go out to that mountain you’re wrestling with nature.

But it’s best that we don’t get too cocky.  There’s bigger game afoot and they won’t hesitate to fight back when threatened.  When you see deer, be on the lookout for the buck cause you want to take him out.  Those doe will scatter once they see you, but the buck will go all Leroy Jenkins if he catches whiff of you.  Lucky for you, you know that deer are weak to rifles.  One shot to the head is all it takes and the buck stops here.  Even President Truman couldn’t have said that better.

And with this, the buck stops here!

Once the animal has come to rest, just walk on over to its body to collect your bounty.  Don’t worry, this isn’t Oregon Trail.  You’ll be able to carry every pound of meat back with you.  And there’s lots of great uses for it.  Freshly carved meat is very nutritious!  Animal furs can be sold for lots of cash or even make a great – and warm – fashion statement!  If you’re a charitable sort of person, you can even give back to the village sometimes.  Even mountain people can enjoy a fuzzy marten coat, right?  Also, while out and about on the mountain, don’t forget to take time to stop and smell the jizo statues.  Even if the myths of divine protection turn out to be false, it never hurts to get some supplemental life insurance.

Uh oh, looks like that blizzard is finally coming in.  You hear the wind roar… wait, was that the wind roaring?  No!  It was a bear.  You have to be really careful when you see a bear.  One shot to the heart is all it takes, but you’ve only been a hunter for a few days.  You still haven’t gotten to those advanced hunting anatomy lessons yet.  Best to stick to those headshots.  They seem to be super effective no matter what type of game you’re up against (or playing) anyways.


Oh no, you only grazed it.  Looks like it’s making a beeline for you.  The crazy thing about bears is that they have this amazing ability called bullet time.  Once they’re aware of your presence if you try to shoot them they’ll watch your rifle and the instant you pull the trigger they calculate the gun’s aiming trajectory and will dodge out of the way.  The other scary thing about these bears is that they are innate combo machines.  I say that because if they geBears fight dirty. They don't wait for you to get up before beating you up.t even one hit on you they can turn it into a combo for massive damage.  (Look to the Tekken series as proof!)  Luckily, they are weak against the turtle method of fighting.  Just gotta wait for them to make a bad input and punish them for their mistake.  In this case, once they charge at you they stare at the ground and can no longer track your rifle movements.  That’s the perfect time to take a shot!

Speaking of bears… Remember how I mentioned the villagers being scared earlier?  Well, supposedly there’s this legendary bear of a bear that lives in these woods.  They even gave it a name, Yama-Oroshi.  Legend has it that this Yama-Oroshi is a really cool guy.  He’s impervious to bullets, eats men and doesn’t afraid of anything.  But that’s just a myth.  You’ve yet to see it with your own two eyes.  And if such an animal did exist, you’d probably have to take it out with your bare hands.  But you’re a pro nature wrestler.  You’ve watched enough episodes of man vs wild to know how to wrestle a mere bear.

yakuza 5.2.3Geez.  I swear, if it weren’t for you then the village would starve.

Categories: Editorial

Tagged as: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s