Life of a Santa – Yakuza 5

Yakuza 5.3.1Running through the snowy streets of Tsukimino, I chanced upon a man in a Santa suit lying on the ground.  He informed me a gang called The Santa Hunters.  Apparently they are infamous amongst the Santas as they have waged a literal war on Christmas.  The man lying on the ground was merely a casualty of that war.  Though his body was beaten, his heart still shined brightly as he still hoped to bring joy to the hearts of kids everywhere.  He knew he was outmanned in this battle and begged me to join the ranks of the Santa.

I’ve got a soft spot for kids and I couldn’t just tell the guy no.  He warned me not to get violent with the gang, and I assured him that I would try to resolve this peacefully.  So I relieved the man of his suit and donned myself with the decor of Kris Kringle.  I stood in front of a shop, ringing my sleighbell when a kid called out to me.  “Santa!  Is it really you?” he asked.  I had to let the kid know that he was dealing with the real thing.  He asked me to give him the present he’d asked for.  Apparently he’d sent me a letter.  I told him that Christmas is still a few days away and to wait until then as I hadn’t brought my sack of toys with me today.  The kid persisted.

Yakuza 5.3.5 It was then that another kid appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.  She asked me for her gift as well.  I gave her the same story but she was hearing none of it.  I told the kids they needed to get back to their parents but they insisted that they wanted their gifts today.  Apparently one kid tweeted my location and I soon found myself surrounded by a horde.  My heart began to pound and the thought came to my mind, “Could these be the Santa Hunters?”  There was no way I could reason with them.  These were opponents you don’t want to pick a fist fight with.  There was only one option left to me.  I had to make a run for it!Yakuza 5.3.3I sprinted with the speed of a reindeer down the streets.  The ground was wet and slippery from the snow, but if I was going to make it out of this alive, I couldn’t slow down.  I ran into an alley, thinking I’d given them the slip.  That’s when I found myself surrounded by hoodlums bearing baseball bats and malicious grins.  They asked me where their presents were and gave off a threatening aura.  That’s when I realize that these were the true Santa Hunters.

As promised, I tried to reason with them.  I asked why they were doing this and I found they were infected with Grinch syndrome.  It’s a condition that happens around the holidays and symptoms include apathy, being naughty and bah humbug.  These were people in dire need of a dose of holiday cheer.  That’s when I lifted an entire Christmas tree off the ground and began to suffuse them with season’s greetings… forcefully.

Yakuza 5.3.4It didn’t take long before they were all on the ground and that’s when the children caught up to me.  I immediately set the tree down.  The children didn’t need to see what happens to those who are naughty.  But I soon realized they had their eyes on the baseball bats.  I decided that the good little boys and girls could all have one as an early Christmas gift.  The children were so happy and I felt so proud of myself.  Though the hunters may have protested, a quick look was all it took to quiet them.  I then wished them all a Merry Christmas and left them with tidings of comfort and joy.

I could get used to this Santa gig.

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