Being popular is hard work. All of your fans expect so much from you. Every moment you are in public is like being on the clock. Gotta walk with your head held high and a smile on your face lest some hidden paparazzi shares your bad side with the whole world. Please allow me to share a typical day in my life with you so you can judge whether this is the kind of future you want to have.
07:00 am – Dance LessonsYou may think I’m hot stuff (because I am) but even the best of the best must constantly hone their skills if they wish to compete at the highest levels. Every morning I find myself memorizing new routines, practicing new poses and pressing those buttons on my face to the rhythm of the beat. I can usually rate how well a practice session went based on the number of frown lines I see on my instructor’s face!
09:00 am – Handshake EventSometimes you gotta get out there and show your fans that you actually exist and aren’t just a holographic projection being lip-synced. Shaking the hands of your fans benefits everyone because it lets them know you care about them and in turn they keep your hands from freezing off in the cold. Speaking of warmth, if you really want to melt the hearts of your fans, just respond to their comments. The sweet melody of your voice is an easy way to send them over the top so long as you respond appropriately. Don’t promise them anything, but also don’t deny them their dreams. Also, don’t shake your fan’s hands for too long lest you incur the wrath of the handshake bouncer and accidentally have them forcibly removed from the premises! Pro tip: Bouncers are weak to cute girls (like yourself). If you need a little more time with the fans, just give the bouncer a smile and you’ll bring him to his knees.
10:30 am – Television AppearanceYou have to make yourself as visible as possible. Being seen on television helps your fans to remember that you exist. Game shows are usually the best way to get your face out there. You have a lot of choices like quiz shows, crane games all the way to 2-player competitions with other pretty ladies (though not as pretty as yourself). Just make sure you win otherwise your fans might start to rethink your position on their leaderboards.
12:00 pm – Random BattleYou’re on your way to your favorite restaurant for lunch (that one with the okonomiyaki) when some girl who thinks she’s hot stuff (she’s not) recognizes you and challenges you to a dance battle. These battles are a little different than the kind of dancing you practice behind closed doors. This is down and dirty street dancing. You gotta point the right direction and sway those hips to the beat of the song. You can make the battle as clean or dirty as you want. Will you make cute faces to score bonus points with the audience? Or will you try demoralizing your opponents with finely-worded taunts to throw them off their rhythm? Remember, all’s fair in love, war and dance-offs.
4:00 pm – ConcertThis is where all that practicing, publicity and audacity pay off. A concert is exactly like your dance lessons, except they take place in front of huge crowds. There’s also one other tiny difference. Just like street battles, you’re competing against an opponent for the love of the fans. That means you both dance and sing the same song at the same time. This is your time to shine. But it takes more than mere heart and passion to win a battle of this caliber. It also takes a fan like you to back me up and motivate me.
So what do you say? Will you be my biggest fan?